Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
