I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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