i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
