I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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