i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
