Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
