umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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