I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
