well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
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his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
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You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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