How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
