Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
