I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
