Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
