I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
