we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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