:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
