My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
