You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
