Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
