do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
