i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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