After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
