then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
