allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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