whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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