I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
