driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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