planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
