My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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