I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
