When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
