Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
