the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
