ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
