If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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