SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize