shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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