I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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