I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
