Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
