Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
