I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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