thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My liver just had a heart attack.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
