U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Come on in and take your pants off
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