I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have fence marks all over my body
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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