Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
