i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
A+ Viking dick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
