Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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