I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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