Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
