im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
