Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize