my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
