I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
