Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
