I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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