Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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