you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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