I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
