It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The air taste purple.
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