she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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