her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
