he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
