woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize