I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
